Sex reinforces intimacy, strengths self and personal esteem, and relinquishes stress regardless the culprit or cause. Compatibility, vulnerability, and emotional connectedness rear themselves in matters of sex. Equitable to child rearing, religion, and sexual choice when left unspoken relationships go asunder.

Dr. Aberra, thanks for raising awareness about the importance of sex. No article, conversation, or person’s understanding can encompass any subject matter in totality. But, moments of clarity can prepare you for future occurrences as your article does. Disregard the importance of sex and watch your relationship become disregarded.

I have been in relationships where sex was readily available and also where it was nonexistent. The nonexistence of sex contributed to the end of one relationship. The abundance of sex didn’t save another.

For me it is not reasonable to expect that my girlfriend is going to want or be available every time I want sex, and vice versa. I can feel satisfied if my girlfriend says no, even most of the time. I have a high sex drive and understand if she is not going to want it every time I do.

What I think the author is referring to is the idea of sex being used as a bargaining chip or as part of a power ploy within a relationship. When a man feels this is the case he will start to detach from the relationship. Personally I like the idea that even if my girfriend says no, if she could sense that I really wanted it badly, not only would she give in, she would enjoy it, or at least make me feel like she did.

I was in a relationship for years where the girl did not feel ready for sex. She was an adult virgin (23-27 when we dated). Over time, my confidence both in the relationship and myself started to dwindle. After a bit I started to ask for a reason. She never claimed to be waiting until marriage, she claimed to be waiting until she “was ready”.

A good relationship is based on the idea that both partners are vulnerable and maybe even a little bit codependent on each other for there emotional needs. I would hope that when my girlfriend needs emotional support, or sex, she would come to me and feel like I provided that for her without any strings attached. I would hope that when I need sex, or emotional support, from my girlfriend she would provide that for me without any strings attached.

With all the unending exhausting work that women have to put into a relationship lest they “lose their man” and get little or nothing in return, I thank God I’m single!!!

I don’t like the overall message of the article as it is far from reality.

The message seems to greatly emphasize the high need of sex for men than women in a relationship/marriage. But I don’t think at all that women are not as sexual as men.They too give great emphasize to it. But the difference is that women just need time and space before having sex. Men tend to focus on sex more when they are in stress or are feeling bad. They often use sex as stress reliever. To fully enjoy sex they want to clear their mind. I think for women, however, sex doesn’t just start in the bedroom. So the idea that ‘wifes come into marriage expecting affection and companionship’ implies they give less priority to sex than men.

I believe everything in life is difficult. What makes marriage even more difficult is the inability and lack of strength of the couple to keep promises of marriage. What eases this situation is the willingness to respect each other’s opinion and communicate patiently. It may not necessarily lead into an agreement, but it may lead into the conclusion to respect and accept each other’s differences. So, yes, marriage is not easy because there will always be differences b/n the two….

Paragraph eight does not make sense, but paragraph 10 worries me. Men want sex when they feel sex? Accept this and even do what he loves, not to mention your interest and timetable to having it? Women do not need to apologize for not wanting to have sex as frequently as men. They can simply tell the man they don’t want to have sex as often as him. Men respect your opinion. You are his partner and not his sex toy. You did not come into the marriage so you can run into the bed room whenever he wants sex.

Thanks to modern therapy, there are many ways to bring your marriage to happiness . Don’t give up on your marriage. Experienced therapists can help you. Just ask.

Thank you for a wonderful article especially important to our community. The power play you described is right on the money. However, I must respectfully disagree with your assumption that a wife comes into this marriage only “expecting affection and companionship”. Both expectations are fully shared by a man and a woman. However, the need for physical intimacy, I believe is also on both lists as well. I agree the top on the list could be different for the two. The “IT” has a lot of TLC needs as well in this arrangement. I am not sure if your pool of sample focused heavily on girls in our community that were born before the revolution, the do-not-even-think-about-messing-with-the-IT revolution that is, or commonly known as stop FGM.

cheers

That’s my two cents and my strategy in life

Thanks, I kind of learned something and was very entertained.

best

Thank you very much for putting this article and you made my day

Jara Tekleab From MI

Nothing but Love,
Goldie (Workeneh)